Have you ever held a grudge against someone? Maybe it was an old friend, a family member, or even an ex-partner. Whatever the reason for the falling out, it’s likely that the grudge has held a grip on you for quite a while.
I describe holding a grudge like taking a sip of poison and saying, "Mmm, yes please, can I have some more?" Let's be real, we all love carrying around emotional baggage like it's a trendy accessory. But the truth is, grudges are so 1990, and forgiveness is the new black.
But what exactly is a grudge, and why is it so harmful?
In this article, we’ll delve deeper into the perils of grudges and explore the importance of forgiveness.
First, let’s define what a grudge is. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a grudge is “a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.”
It’s a negative emotion that lingers long after the event that caused it. Grudges can be directed at anyone – from a friend who betrayed your trust to a co-worker who stole your idea. For me, it was close family, and out of the blue, they stopped connecting with me. No reason was given and it hurt. I treated my cousins like my little sisters and I just couldn’t understand what I did and still don’t. But I used the methods described further down the blog as it was toxic.
Why do we hold onto grudges? Perhaps it’s a way of feeling like we’re in control – by refusing to forgive someone, we hold power over them. Or maybe it’s a defense mechanism – if we forgive too easily, we fear of being hurt again. Whatever the reason, the effects of holding onto a grudge can be harmful to our mental and physical health.
Ah, the joys of holding a grudge. It's like a never-ending game of "who can play the victim better?" and the prize is a lifetime supply of bitterness and resentment. Take this EX, for example. He's still clinging on to his ex-wife's past wrongdoings, when she threw out all his stuff like it's his only source of entertainment. It's been 12 years, but who's counting? And the outcome, he's hoarding because his emotions are attached to the items! Ah, yes, the perfect recipe for a happy and healthy life. Who needs therapy or self-reflection when you have a good old-fashioned grudge? It's one of the reasons that led to the demise of our relationship.
Studies have shown that holding onto anger and resentment can lead to some pretty sweet health problems like high blood pressure, heart disease, and persistent pain in the body. But who needs physical health when you can have the satisfaction of knowing you're in control? And revenge, oh sweet revenge. It's the gift that keeps on giving. By holding onto a grudge, we’re essentially drinking poison and waiting for the other person to suffer.
But who is actually suffering? – YOU. Yes, YOU!
STOP giving your POWER to someone else! They've moved on, and you're still obsessing about it!
So, how can we break free from the toxic grip of a grudge?
FORGIVENESS is the key to unlocking a brighter future. It's like taking a deep breath of fresh air and feeling the weight lift off your shoulders. So, what if they betrayed your trust or stole your idea or threw your stuff out? They probably didn't even realise what they were doing, or they were just going through a tough time themselves. Plus, holding onto a grudge is so much work. It's like walking up a mountain with a backpack full of rocks.
Forgiveness is not about excusing the other person’s behaviour or forgetting what happened. It’s about releasing the negative emotions that are holding us back and moving on with our lives.
But forgiveness is easier said than done. It’s not always easy to let go of our anger and resentment, especially if we feel like we’ve been wronged. But holding onto a grudge only hurts us in the long run. That heavy backpack of rocks weighs us down and makes it harder and harder to take a step forward until we collapse with burnout, getting sick or with mental health issues.
Remember, you can’t change the outcome, it's already happened. What you can do, is change the NOW.
So, how can we practice forgiveness? These are some tips that I use:
Acknowledge your feelings
It’s okay to feel angry, hurt, or resentful. Don’t suppress your emotions – acknowledge them and give yourself permission to feel them.
Practice empathy
Try to see things from the other person’s perspective. Maybe they were going through a tough time or didn’t realise how their actions would affect you.
Let go of the need for revenge
Holding onto a grudge often stems from a desire for revenge. But seeking revenge only perpetuates the cycle of negativity.
Focus on the present
Don’t dwell on the past – focus on the present and what you can do to move forward.
Practice self-care
Forgiveness is a process, and it’s important to take care of yourself along the way. Engage in activities that make you feel good, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time with loved ones.
Forgiveness is not a one-time event – it’s a process that takes time and effort. But the benefits of forgiveness are worth it. By letting go of our grudges, we free ourselves from the toxic emotions that are holding us back and open ourselves up to a more positive future.
And let's not forget the perks of forgiveness - reduced stress, increased happiness, and improved relationships. Who doesn't love a good perk?
Of course, there are some situations where forgiveness may not be possible or appropriate – for example, in cases of abuse or neglect. But even in these circumstances, it’s still important to let go of the negative emotions and focus on healing and moving forward.
Regardless of where you are in your forgiveness path, let's throw away the poison and pick up a glass of forgiveness. It's not always easy, but it's definitely worth it!
If you are struggling with emotions of guilt, and shame and moving on, let me help you get out of the darkness and into the light.
