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Ah, the age-old question – what do you get when you squeeze a lemon? Lemon juice, of course? But what if I told you that this question could lead to a profound realisation about relationships and the human psyche?
Let me take you on a journey, my friends.
Have you ever heard of Dr Wayne Dyer? He was a famous author and speaker who had some pretty profound insights into the human mind and one of my favourite teachers.
One of his quotes goes like this: “When you squeeze an orange, you'll always get orange juice to come out. What comes out is what's inside.”
Now, at first glance, this may seem like a simple statement. But when you really think about it, it can apply to so many aspects of our lives – particularly our relationships.
Think about it – relationships are tricky and frickin’ hard work. Whether it's a romantic relationship, a friendship, or a family bond, they all require effort and compromise from both parties. But have you ever been in a situation where you feel like you're doing everything right, yet the other person is still unhappy or unfulfilled?
It's easy to blame yourself in these situations. Maybe if you had done something differently, things would have turned out better. But what if I told you that it's not always about you?
I want you to do something RIGHT NOW – LET GO of the SHAME and GUILT because you couldn’t have done anything about it because it had absolutely nothing to do with you!
You see when you squeeze a lemon, you get lemon juice because that's what's inside. The same goes for people. When they're put under pressure or in a difficult situation, what's INSIDE them will come OUT.
Let me give you an example, of a situation I was in - a romantic relationship. Everything was amazing at first, he was kind, charming, funny, and always put his best foot forward. We had so much in common, culture, language, liked travelling, and loved Bollywood music but as time went on, I started to see some red flags, cracks & lots of holes, because certain things just didn't make any sense or add up. He started making snide remarks, tried to control situations or outcomes, wanted to participate in every social, in my calendar, was disappointed in me because I didn't put him first.
When you are a parent, it doesn't matter what your relationship status is, KIDS come FIRST regardless of their age. Mine are both studying and if they need something, guess what, I'm going to tend to their needs as any mum would. That was my biggest red flag. He did everything to put them down. Why are you paying for their groceries, they don't treat you with the respect you deserve, why is it always you, why is their father not paying? There was an argument every single time. So, I started lying because I wanted to protect my kids. But it didn't matter, the arguments never stopped. My biggest red flag should have been why his kids stopped talking to him and want nothing to do with him. Why? Should I have called and talked to them?
I tried to ignore these signs because I wanted to believe the best about him. But eventually, something happened that caused me to squeeze too hard – it was a disagreement over the same old crap! And guess what came out?
FULL-BLOWN ANGER, BITTERNESS, HATRED, FEAR, RESENTMENT, UGLINESS!
I saw and heard the anger, ugliness and hatred spewing out of his eyes and mouth. He was foaming at the mouth, obscenities just pouring out. All this was always INSIDE OF HIM, he just HID it really well UNTIL he COULDN'T. For the first time in my life, I was terrified and scared, but my gut told me he wouldn’t physically hurt me. I wish he had, it would have been easier to get over. BRUISES HEAL, but words “F” with your HEAD! During this whole time, both my pup and cat sat right beside me providing comfort, support, strength and protection.
It was a scary and eye-opening experience. I realised that what I was seeing was always inside him. I was just the CATALYST that brought it all to the SURFACE!
This realisation was liberating for me!
It means that you're not responsible for fixing or changing someone else. What's inside them will always be there unless they take ACTION to SEEK HELP and make the changes. And even then, it's UP to THEM to do the INNER WORK! It’s not just about getting therapy and counselling because the COURT made it mandatory for their release, you have to want to make the changes because you know you have a problem. They can go to therapy but if they don’t make the changes, nothing WILL EVER CHANGE. The next catalyst could be catastrophic for another innocent victim!
This is when I wonder, did I do the right thing by not pressing charges? If he does this to someone else, I will never be able to forgive myself because I didn't take the action necessary to make sure he couldn't hurt anyone else, ever again.
For now, I am still pondering on this because I am torn between what is right, and what is wrong. I know one thing for sure, I am SAFE.
Regardless, I continue to work on myself, which is exactly what you need to do.
If you want a partner who embodies the qualities you're looking for, you need to BECOME that person FIRST. And that means looking inward and examining what's inside you.
Are you harbouring negativity, anger, fear, or pain? Are you putting up shields and barriers to protect yourself? I am a prime example of this, I put up barriers so no one can hurt me. It's important to acknowledge these things and work on changing them so that you can GIVE and RECEIVE LOVE and JOY.
It's not an easy journey, but it's a worthwhile one. Because when you can show the WORLD who you truly ARE – FLAWS and all – you OPEN yourself up to the possibility of attracting amazing people into your life.
So there you have it, folks. What do you get when you squeeze a lemon? Lemon juice, sure. But if you really think about it, you get a lesson about the human psyche and the power of self-improvement. Pretty cool, huh?
I am making light of a very hard, dangerous and abusive situation but I want you to remember if you ever feel UNSAFE, CALL your local EMERGENCY number. 911, and 999 are the ones I know for Canada/US and the UK. That's how I got the help I needed to make sure I was SAFE.
It takes a lot of COURAGE to leave and move on from an abusive relationship.
This has been part of my profound journey as I have struggled with letting go of shame, guilt, and resentment because I couldn't believe I let myself get into a situation that was life-threatening. The worst part of all of this was having to admit to my family and friends that I was stupid enough to believe that I had found the love of my life but instead had made the biggest mistake of my life. He was and is a menace and burden to society. I ask myself - how could an intelligent and smart woman like me, get herself into a situation like this? I have forgiven both myself and him but every now and again, the ugly head rolls around and the feelings of guilt and shame resurface.
I continue to HEAL and work on myself because I am WORTH IT and I want you to do the same!
I am here if you need HELP or want to TALK!
