You know what’s easier than healing?
- BLAMING.
- FINGER POINTING.
- REHASHING the drama with anyone who’ll listen (and even those who won’t).
We LOVE a good “Can you believe what they did to me?” moment. Why? Because pain demands attention, and let’s be honest, being the victim gets you instant sympathy, zero responsibility, and a free pass from doing the hard work. And, healing? That’s WORK.
Let’s not sugar-coat it.
Rewriting the story in your mind isn’t just about thinking happy thoughts or slapping affirmations over your trauma like a cheap Instagram filter. No. It means DIVING into the MESS, taking ACCOUNTAHILITY, and asking, WHAT’S THE LESSON HERE? instead of WHY DID THIS HAPPEN TO ME?
And most people? They’d rather SCROLL, BINGE, WHINGE, and live in the land of BITTERNESS. Because BLAME feels easier than BRAVERY.
Why We’d Rather Be Victims Than Victors
Here’s the truth bomb most people aren’t ready for:
VICTIMHOOD IS COMFORTING.
Yes, even though it sounds counterintuitive.
It gives us:
- An IDENTITY (“I’m the one who was wronged.”)
- A STORYLINE (“They did this to me.”)
- A reason not to CHANGE (“Why should I heal? They haven’t apologised.”)
Let’s be real, how many times have you caught yourself saying:
- “I wouldn’t be like this if THEY hadn’t done XYZ.”
- “I can't move on because THEY haven't owned up.”
- “This is just WHO I am NOW, BROKEN, GUARED, CYNICAL.”
Sound familiar? Yeah, me too. Been there. Wore the T-shirt. Probably monogrammed it.
We stay stuck in these narratives because they’re FAMILIAR. COMFORTABLE. It means we don’t have to take RESPONSIBILITY for our own HEALING, our own HAPPINESS, or, heaven forbid our own BOUNDARIES.
It’s easier to stew in the soup of RESENTMENT than step up and say, MAYBE I PLAYED A ROLE IN THIS TOO.(Not BLAMING yourself, but OWNING your PART. Different VIBES.)
The STORY You Keep REPEATING Is the One You BELIEVE
Let’s rewind to a real-life moment I shared in a previous blog. We sold my family home while going through a brutal separation. I was watching my son navigate university, isolation, and mental health struggles while I was deep in early menopause, grieving the loss of EVERYTHING: FAMILY, COMMUNITY, even my bloody DOG, Pakora. It was a SHIT SHOW.
And for a while, I was FURIOUS. At my ex. At the SYSTEM. At MYSELF. At FATE. At the neighbour’s dog. (Don’t ask.)
The story in my head went like this:
“I gave 20 years of my life and ended up ALONE, BROKE, and BROKEN. How is this fair?”
Cue the ANGER, the GRIEF, the never-ending loop of WHY ME?
But here’s what changed everything: 
I got tired of telling the same sad story.
I DIDN’T want that to be my NARRATIVE anymore.
So, I asked a different question:
What if this was happening FOR me instead of TO me?
And BOOM, everything started shifting.
I saw the STRENGTH it took to LEAVE. The COURAGE it took to START over. The RESILIENCE it takes to REBUILD from GROUND ZERO and still believe in LOVE, JOY, COMMUNITY, even when it feels miles away.
But don’t get it twisted. Rewriting that story didn’t happen overnight. I still had to CRY, RAGE, JOURNAL, YELL at the UNIVERSE, and EAT far too many ginger biscuits. (It’s called BALANCE.)
Why Rewriting Feels Like Betrayal
Here’s a little nugget no one talks about:
Rewriting the story can feel like betraying the pain.
It can feel like:
• Letting the other person off the HOOK
• MINIMISING what you went through
• Pretending it didn’t hurt when it ABSOLUTELY BLOODY DID
But that’s not what rewriting is.
It’s not saying THEY WERE RIGHT.
It’s saying YOU NO LONGER WANT TO CARRY THE WEIGHT.
You're not letting them off the hook, you're letting YOURSELF off the cross.
And honestly? Some people don’t want to let go because they’ve built their whole IDENTITY around being WRONGED. Around being the one who never got the CLOSURE, the APOLOGY, the JUSTICE.
Let me tell you something radical:
You don’t need closure from them to move forward.
You DON’T need the apology.
You DON’T need their version of the story to match yours.
You get to rewrite your story because it’s YOURS.
But What If I Don't Want to Let It Go?
Fair question. Sometimes we’re not ready to forgive, forget, or flip the script. And that’s okay.
Here’s what I suggest:
Step 1: Acknowledge the Pain
Write it out. Rant it out. Burn the journal after, if you must. Honour what happened. Don’t sugarcoat it. Name the feelings—rage, betrayal, humiliation, grief.
Step 2: Get Curious, Not Critical
Ask yourself:
- What did this situation reveal about me?
- What boundary did I ignore?
- What belief was I operating from at the time?
- What did I learn that I could never have learned otherwise?
Step 3: Choose the Empowered Rewrite
Instead of:
“I was abandoned after 20 years.”
Try:“I chose MYSELF after years of abandonment.”
Instead of:
“They broke me.”
Try:“I broke OPEN and found parts of MYSELF I’d forgotten.”
It’s not spiritual bypassing. It’s MENTAL ALCHEMY.
Real Life Example – Comfort Zones & Chaos
Remember that blog where I talked about getting out of your comfort zone to achieve greatness? (You know the one with the cheeky references and real-life chaos.)
Well, rewriting your STORY is the ultimate COMFORT ZONE buster.
Because comfort zones aren't just about routines, they’re EMOTIONAL too. Some people are more comfortable being ANGRY than being VULNERABLE. More comfortable being CYNICAL than being HOPEFUL.
It’s scary to imagine a future that’s no longer DEFINED by PAIN
.
But that’s where the MAGIC is. On the other side of DISCOMFORT.
The Dopamine Hit of Blame
Let’s be honest. BLAMING someone else? It's ADDICTIVE. It gives you a RUSH. A sense of CONTROL. A STORYLINE where you are CLEARLY the hero and they are obviously the villain.
But DOPAMINE fades. And then what?
You’re still stuck in the same loop. Still re-telling the same tale. Still dragging the same PAIN into your next FRIENDSHIP, next RELATIONSHIP, next JOB.
Rewriting your story won’t give you the same high, but it’ll give you PEACE. And, that’s PRICELESS.
Rewrite Doesn’t Mean Rewrite the Truth
Let me say it loud and clear:
We’re not PRETENDING bad things didn’t happen.
We’re not making light of TRAUMA or GASLIGHTING ourselves into DELUSION.
We’re saying: I can HONOUR the pain without living in it.
We’re saying: I CHOOSE to be more than what happened to me.
We’re saying: I deserve a new chapter, and I’m BRAVE enough to write it.
Final Thoughts
Here’s the big question:
Who are you when you stop being the victim?
What if that version of you is STRONGER, FREER, WISER, CHEEKIER, SASSIER, SEXIER, and more POWERFUL than you ever imagined?
Yes, the old story was familiar.
Yes, the pain was VALID.
Yes, you’re allowed to GRIEVE.
But don’t forget, you’re also allowed to GROW.
REWRITE the damn STORY.
Not for THEM.
Not for SHOW.
BUT FOR YOU.
You deserve to be the hero of your own LIFE, not the side character in someone else’s drama.
So, grab that metaphorical pen.
