You know that quote: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick”? Yeah, that one. It SLAPS. Mostly because we’ve all done it. We’ve clung to anger like it’s a designer handbag, dragging it everywhere, showing it off, silently screaming “Look what they did to me!” to anyone who’d listen (or pretend to).
And all the while, the person you’re angry at? They’re probably off living their BEST LIFE, brunching, posting gym selfies, maybe even getting promoted, completely unaware (or unbothered) that they’re the star villain in the daytime drama playing on repeat in your head.
Let’s talk about it. Because my dear friend, it’s time to put the poison down and pick up something way more nourishing, like your peace. Or a good oat latte (if you're into those)
Why Holding Onto Anger Is Wrecking Your Vibe
Angry? You’re Human. But Don’t Marinate in It.
First things first, ANGER is not the VILLIAN here. Let’s not cancel anger. It’s an EMOTION, not a personality flaw. It’s there to alert you: “Oi! You’ve been wronged!” And that’s important. Suppressing anger turns you into a people-pleasing volcano, calm on the outside, one email or passive-aggressive text away from full ERUPTION!.
But the key is not to UNPACK and LIVE in your anger. You FEEL it, PROCESS it, and then, here’s the biggie - you LET IT GO. Because when you hold onto anger for too long, it stops PROTECTING you and starts POISONING you. Not THEM. JUST YOU!
Poison in a Fancy Mug
Imagine this: You’re drinking your morning brew, except it’s not tea, it’s toxic RAGE with a splash of RESENTMENT. You sip it slowly, glaring at your phone, rereading old messages, replaying arguments, crafting imaginary clapbacks you’ll never send. And while you’re SPIRALLING, they’re out there, blissfully UNAWARE, probably doing downward dog in Bali or posting food pics with hashtags like #blessed.
Anger doesn’t punish THEM. It punishes YOU. It keeps you AWAKE at 3AM. It CLUTCHES your chest when their name pops up unexpectedly. It’s the PIT in your stomach when you see their SMUG little face on your feed. And the worst part? You’re the one REFILLING the mug every time.
True Story: That Angry Face? Only Hurt Me
Let me tell you a little something from my own archive of life lessons (and if you've followed my blogs, you’ll know I’m not shy about airing my laundry, clean or crumpled). There was a time when I was so angry I wore it like WAR paint. You know that face you make when you're SEETHING on the inside but pretending to be “FINE”? That face? Yeah, I had that look locked in. The clenched jaw. The death stare. Walking around the house like I was personally carrying the weight of betrayal and disappointment.
I thought I was making a point. I thought my frosty silence and dramatic tea-sipping was sending a message. But spoiler alert: it WASN'T doing anything to them. It was doing everything to ME. My NECK hurt. My FACE was stiff. My ENERGY was drained. I was ANGRY and EXHAUSTED and for WHAT?
One day, I just let it go. Like, actually let it go. I BREATHED. I SMILED. I LAUGHED. And you know what? That got under THEIR skin more than my sulky scowl ever did. Isn’t that WILD? It taught me something POWERFUL: PEACE is not passive. Peace is POWERFUL. When you choose JOY over DRAMA, HEALING over HOSTILITY, it disarms everything. Including the people who expect you to stay bitter forever.
Why We Hold On (Even When It Hurts)
We hold onto anger because it gives us a sense of CONTROL. Because it JUSTIFIES our PAIN. Because letting go feels like saying “IT'S OKAY.” And it wasn’t.
But letting go doesn’t mean you’re fine with what happened. It means you’re done GIVING it free RENT in your HEAD. You’re not saying, “What you did was okay.” You’re saying, “I’m CHOOSING not to RELIVE this daily.” Big difference.
And sometimes, we hold onto anger because we’re waiting for an APOLOGY, or CLOSURE, or KARMA to do its thing. Here’s a juicy truth bomb: You may never get any of those. But you can give yourself PEACE.
And then there are those deep-rooted GRUDGES, the ones that come with a full Netflix SERIES’ worth of EMOTIONAL PLOTLINES. “She left me after 18 years.” “He chose someone else.” “They used me for money, and I let them.” These are not just passing moments of irritation. They are BETRAYALS. Life-changing, rug-pulled-from-under-you events that shake your core. Of course you’re ANGRY. Of course you’re HURT. But ask yourself, who is SUFFERING from that anger NOW?
Is it really them feeling the sting? Or is it you, unable to breathe deeply without tasting BITTERNESS in your own mouth? I’ve seen it with friends, clients, and in my own story, when ANGER is tied to GRIEF, IDENTITY, and LOSS, it’s HEAVY. And letting it go feels like letting a PART of you go. But in truth, it’s FREEING the part of you that’s still STUCK in a version of the PAST that doesn’t EXIST anymore.
Letting Go Isn’t Weak, it’s Savage
Letting go is not passive. It’s not weak. It’s not “TAKING THE HIGH ROAD” in a martyr-y way that leaves you seething in silence. It’s savage in the best way. It says:
- “I’ve got better things to do than be consumed by you.”
- “My nervous system deserves peace, not punishment.”
- “Healing looks better on me than revenge ever could.”
You’re not being the bigger person. You’re being the FREER person. And that, my dear friend, is the ultimate flex.
But What If They Really Deserve My Rage?
Listen, I get it. Some people really do deserve your rage. They HURT you. LIED. GHOSTED. Took CREDIT. Didn’t SHOW up when you needed them. Broke TRUST. PLAYED you like a ukulele. And the idea of just letting that go feels like letting them OFF THE HOOK.
But here's the catch: You're the one SUFFERING every time you REHEARSE their betrayal in your mind. You're the one MISSING sleep, losing FOCUS, SNAPPING at people who actually love you.
Meanwhile, they’re probably fine. Karma’s timing is on her own schedule, and let’s be honest, she doesn’t take requests. So while she’s sorting herself out, do yourself a favour and UNPLUG from the EMOTIONAL IV DRIP keeping your anger alive
How to Actually Let Go (Without Pretending You’re Fine When You’re Not)
Letting go isn’t a one-and-done situation. It’s a CHOICE you make over and over until it sticks. Here are a few ways to make it easier:
- Write It Out, Sass Included - Get it all out. No filter. No grammar check. Swear if you need to. Be petty. Then burn it (safely, please). Or delete it. But release it.
- Move Your Body - Anger lives in your body. Shake it out. Dance it off. Go for a furious walk with a rage playlist. Punch a pillow. Whatever works.
- Unfollow, Mute, Block - If seeing their updates causes mini rage seizures, remove the temptation. Protect your energy. You’re not being petty, you’re being smart.
- Talk It Out With Someone Who Gets It - Not someone who will pour petrol on the fire, but someone who’ll validate you and help you move forward.
- Choose Peace Daily - Ask yourself, “Do I want to be right or do I want to be free?” And remember, choosing peace doesn’t mean you lost, it means you won your sanity back.
Letting Go = Glowing Up
When you let go of anger, MAGIC happens. You SLEEP better. You SMILE more. You STOP side-eyeing every person who slightly resembles your ex-best friend’s new partner. You RECLAIM your ENERGY and your TIME and your VIBE.
And guess what? People will feel the shift. You’ll radiate that unbothered energy. That I DON'T GIVE A F**K GLOW. That “I’ve healed and I’m thriving” realness.
Because peace? It's SEXY. It's MAGNETIC. It's better than REVENGE. And it looks damn GOOD on you.
Final Sip
So the next time you find yourself mentally replaying a fight from 2018 or fantasising about that perfect comeback you should’ve said, PAUSE. Take a deep BREATH. And remind YOURSELF:
You’re sipping poison and calling it empowerment.
Put the mug down. Pour yourself a nice herbal tea. Or a turmeric latte. Or a glass of whatever joy tastes like for you.
You deserve more than the weight of old anger.
You deserve:
- LIGHTNESS
- LAUGHTER
- LIBERATION.
LET IT GO. NOT FOR THEM. FOR YOU.
Now over to you…
What’s something you’ve been holding onto for way too long? Who are you mentally arguing with in the shower? Drop it in the comments (or just say “Not today, poison!”) and let’s all commit to choosing peace instead.
