You’ve heard me say this before (probably more times than you’ve had a proper masala chai):
Self-care is not a luxury – it’s a necessity
It’s not some sparkly Instagram trend that only applies to women who have marble countertops, pastel wardrobes, and full-time nannies. It’s the basic, daily maintenance required to keep your engine from blowing up on the M25 (highway/motorway) of life.
But here’s the thing no one really tells you about self-care:
Sometimes it feels like another damn chore.
Yes, I said it. When you’re burnt out, frazzled, and running on fumes, even the idea of doing something “nourishing” can feel exhausting.
Like, please don’t talk to me about magnesium baths and yoga flows right now, Susan, I’m barely managing to remember where I left my black bra.
Burnout Is Real. And Sneaky
Let’s start with a quick game of “Have You Ever?”
- Have you ever stared at a blank wall because making a decision, even what to eat for dinner felt like being asked to solve quantum physics?
- Have you ever cried over dropping a spoon, and then immediately judged yourself for being ridiculous?
- Have you ever laid in bed scrolling for two hours about “how to improve your sleep hygiene” instead of, y’know, sleeping?
- Have you ever scheduled “me time” and then spent the whole hour feeling guilty for not doing laundry?
If you said yes to one or more of the above, congratulations! You may be experiencing burnout, or as I like to call it, the silent scream behind your polite “I’m fine!”
When Self-Care Becomes Another Job
Now, let’s talk about the real villain of the story: Pressure-Self-Care
It’s that weird, performative version of self-care that turns simple acts into productivity contests.
“Oh, you only journaled for five minutes? I wrote a gratitude list, did a full moon ritual, drank kale water, AND posted about it online.”
I remember one particularly ridiculous week when I was working full time, running henna parties, and having a booth at festivals, trying to support two teenage boys (both going through their hormonal chaos while I was menopausal and trying not to launch myself into the Grand River). I scheduled in “self-care time” on a Sunday.
So what did I do?
- Woke up early for a run I didn’t want to do.
- Did a YouTube yoga session I hated every minute of.
- Made a smoothie that tasted like wet grass.
- Lit a candle and tried to meditate... then fell asleep sitting up.
By the end of my “self-care” day, I felt worse than before. Because none of it was actually for me, it was just another bloody to-do list with glitter on top that I had to check off!
Step One: Take Off the Pressure
Here’s your official prescription slip:
Self-care doesn’t have to look good. It just has to feel good.
If lying in bed with an old dressing gown, a cuppa, and watching re-runs of Friends is what fills your cup? That counts.
If self-care today means canceling plans and lying in a human burrito of blankets? That counts.
If brushing your teeth, washing your face, and feeding yourself something vaguely nutritious is the best you can do? That’s more than enough.
You don’t need to journal, meditate, dry brush, and manifest your dream life before breakfast. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is nap unapologetically.
Real Talk: When Everything Feels Like Too Much
Let’s acknowledge that when you’re deep in burnout, even three minutes of breathing feels like someone’s handed you an end of year Math exam.
There was a time when even my beloved colouring mandalas felt like work. I’d sit down, pen in hand, and suddenly remember:
- I hadn’t done the dishes
- My inbox was chaos
- I hadn’t phoned my mum in a week
- Oh god, is that laundry still in the machine?
That’s when I knew it was time to stop trying to add more to the list and start taking things off.
Burnout recovery isn’t about “doing more,” even if it’s the “right” kind of more.
It’s about less. Slower. Softer. Smaller. And choosing things that genuinely soothe you.
A Few Self-Care Ideas That Don’t Feel Like Work
Here’s a list I wish someone had given me during one of my “I can’t even” phases:
- The One-Song Dance Party - Blast your favourite 90s song (hello, Destiny’s Child) and wiggle around like you’ve won the lottery.
- The Sloth Shower - No hair washing, no shaving, no pressure. Just let the water run and be still. Maybe cry. That’s fine too.
- The ‘Nope’ Day - Turn off your phone. Cancel unnecessary things. Give yourself a day with no should’s. Eat toast for dinner.
- The Voice Note Vent - Send a long, unfiltered voice note to a trusted friend. Or better yet, record one to yourself. Let it all out, no need to reply.
- The Blanket Cocoon - Wrap yourself like a spring roll and do nothing. Not even think. Bonus if there’s a pet snuggled in with you.
You’re Not Lazy, You’re Human
Let’s kill this lie once and for all:
Needing rest doesn’t make you lazy. It makes you alive.
We’re not machines. And even machines need charging. (Ever seen a phone have a full-on meltdown at 3% battery? That’s you trying to function without rest.
Sometimes you need to unplug and do nothing. Other times, you need to switch gears and do something silly, pointless, or purely pleasurable.
And yes, that includes rewatching Bridget Jones, hiding in the washroom for peace, or rage-cleaning your kitchen to Bollywood music. It’s still care.
Try This: The “What Actually Helps” List
Here’s a journaling prompt if you’re up for it (and if not, screenshot it for another day when you can be arsed):
What are five things that make me feel like myself again, no matter how small or silly?
Think:
- Listening to the Bee Gee’s and Abba
- Drinking tea out of a favourite mug
- Talking to a friend who gets it
- Putting on clean socks
- Saying “sod it” and having chips for dinner
- Sleeping with freshly clean sheets
These little rituals count. They remind you that you're still in there, under all the exhaustion.
Final Thoughts: It’s Not About Doing It All
Self-care should not feel like a part-time job. And if it does, you’re allowed to say: Not today, thanks.
You’re allowed to rest, to pause, to stop ticking boxes. You’re allowed to cry in the loo at work and still be a brilliant human. You’re allowed to be a walking contradiction, a strong, capable badass who sometimes just wants someone else to make the decisions.
And if today, all you managed was reading this blog while sipping lukewarm tea?
You’re WINNING!
On a slightly serious note…
If burnout is creeping in, please don’t ignore it. Don’t wait for a breakdown to schedule a breather. The journaling, the breathing space, the moments of reflection; they’re there to help YOU hear YOU. So grab a pen. Or don’t. But whatever you do, let it come from love, not obligation.
Because the goal isn’t to have a perfect life.
It’s to have one where you actually feel like you in it.
Now go rest. You deserve it. Even if it’s just with a blanket and a scone with clotted cream and jam.
