Picture this: You’re minding your own business, sipping on your cuppa and scrolling through social media, when out of nowhere, BAM! Someone’s lobbed an insult at you. Maybe it’s subtle, like a backhanded compliment (“Wow, you’re so brave for wearing that!”), or perhaps it’s as blunt as a baseball bat to the face. Whatever the delivery, the purpose is the same: to knock you off your zen and get a reaction. But here’s the secret to keeping your peace — DON’T rise to it. Not a flicker, not a flinch. Silence is your superpower.
The Psychology of an Insulter
Let’s start by peeling back the layers of the average insulter. Why do people feel the need to throw verbal jabs? Nine times out of ten, it’s not about you. It’s about them. Insecurity, jealousy, or plain boredom often motivate their snarkiness. Think about it: happy, fulfilled people don’t go around hurling insults. They’re too busy living their best lives, soaking up the good vibes.
So, when someone slings an insult your way, remember it’s less a reflection of your worth and more a projection of their inner turmoil. This is where you get to choose your response. Do you hand over your precious energy, or do you keep it for yourself? Spoiler: the latter is always the right choice.
Silence: The Ultimate Power Move
Now, you might be thinking, “But if I don’t respond, aren’t I letting them win?” Oh, my dear friend, quite the opposite. Not reacting is the ultimate power move. It says, “Your opinion doesn’t matter enough for me to dignify it with a response.” Trust me, nothing frustrates an insulter more than being met with a wall of silence.
Here’s the kicker: silence doesn’t just shut them down; it also protects your peace. Responding to insults can send your emotions into overdrive, triggering stress and anxiety. When you stay silent, you’re choosing calm over chaos, and that’s a win for your mental health.
Silence has always been my go-to regardless of who starts the insults or bad-mouthing! Most of the time, my emotions will get in the way, I’ll start crying and then I’m just a mess. Instead, I’ll smile on the inside, breathe and ignore them. Depending on who it is, I cry afterwards when I am away from them. That’s when my hands start to shake and I feel wobbly – which is fine because they did not see me break down and won’t know that they got to me. This was a very recent experience, and I was so proud of myself when I didn’t succumb to his insults, accusations or story-telling while bad-mouthing me in front of my kids!
When I go silent, the other type of insults start: “Cat got your tongue?” “You have nothing to add or say?” These are provoking flings designed to bait me into reacting, but I keep silent and focus on something positive and simply breathe in and out – like a week on the beach with glorious sunshine, sandy beaches and the sounds of the ocean. When he finally has nothing left to say, I walk away, which infuriates him even more. And honestly, that’s when I know I’ve won.
The Role of Meditation and Mindfulness
Let’s be real: staying silent in the face of provocation is easier said than done. That’s where mindfulness and meditation come in. These practices train your mind to pause, breathe, and observe your thoughts without getting swept up in them. Think of it as a mental 
gym. The more you practice, the stronger your self-control becomes.
Here’s a simple exercise to try the next time someone ruffles your feathers:
Pause: Before you react, take a moment to pause. Count to five if you need to.
Breathe: Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold it for a moment, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Repeat this a few times. Fantastic - you just meditated!
Observe: Notice what’s happening in your body. Is your heart racing? Are your fists clenched? Acknowledge these sensations without judgment.
Choose: Decide how you want to respond — or not respond, as the case may be. Remember, silence is always an option.
Meditation isn’t about becoming immune to insults; it’s about building the resilience to handle them with grace.
The British Way: Keep It Classy
As Brits, we’ve got a reputation for keeping a stiff upper lip, and honestly, there’s some wisdom in that. But please don’t confuse emotional repression with emotional intelligence. Staying silent doesn’t mean bottling up your feelings; it means choosing not to let someone else dictate your mood.
When you’re faced with an insult, channel your inner Jane Austen heroine. Picture Elizabeth Bennet politely smiling at Mr. Darcy’s early arrogance. She’s not rattled, because she knows her worth. That’s the energy we’re going for — calm, composed, and utterly unbothered.
Insults and Mental Health: Protect Your Peace
Let’s talk about the toll insults can take on your mental health. Even when you don’t respond outwardly, harsh words can linger in your mind, chipping away at your confidence. This is why self-care is so important. Here are some tips to protect your peace:
Set Boundaries: If someone consistently insults you, it’s okay to distance yourself. Protecting your mental health is more important than maintaining toxic relationships.
Affirmations: Counter negativity with positive self-talk. Try something like, “I am worthy, no matter what others say.” And I have a few ready for you already! I have some affirmations ready for you.
Vent Safely: If an insult really gets under your skin, talk it out with a trusted friend or write it down in a journal. Get it out of your system without giving the insulter the satisfaction of knowing they got to you.
Seek Support: If insults are a regular part of your life (looking at you, workplace bullies, your kids, your family, your partner…..), consider speaking to a mental health professional. They can help you build strategies for coping and setting boundaries.
Breathing Through the Storm
Breathing exercises are a simple yet powerful tool for staying calm in the face of provocation.
Here’s one to try:
- Sit comfortably with your feet flat on the ground and your hands resting in your lap.
- Close your eyes or lower your gaze - when you lower your gaze, you are not meeting the insulters eyes and it allows you to focu
- Inhale deeply for a count of four.
- Hold your breath for a count of four.
- Exhale slowly for a count of eight.
- Repeat this cycle for a few minutes, or until you feel calm.
This practice not only calms your nervous system but also gives you a moment to regroup before deciding how to respond (or not).
Practical Examples: Handling Insults with Grace
Let’s put all this theory into practice. Here are some scenarios and how to handle them:
Scenario 1:
The Workplace Critic Colleague: “You always take forever to finish your tasks.” You: Smiles politely and continues working. (Internally: “Not today, Susan.”)
Scenario 2:
The Passive-Aggressive Friend: “Oh, I didn’t know you were going for the ‘natural’ look today.” You: Takes a sip of tea and changes the subject.
Scenario 3:
The Online Troll Commenter: “Your opinion is stupid.” You: Delete the comment and go about your day. (Bonus: Block them if they persist.)
Notice a pattern? In each case, you’re choosing silence or a nonchalant response over engaging. It’s not about letting people walk all over you; it’s about recognising that not every battle is worth fighting. It’s the same as what battles you want to win with the kids or your partner!
The Takeaway
Responding to insults is like feeding a stray cat — do it once, and they’ll keep coming back (my neighbour’s kids started feeding a stray and she is now a daily visitor.) Instead, starve the drama by refusing to engage. Protect your peace with the power of silence, the grace of mindfulness, and the occasional deep breath.
So, the next time someone tries to knock you down with an insult, channel your inner Brit: KEEP CALM, CARRY ON, and let your unbothered silence be the ultimate clapback. After all, you’ve got better things to do than waste your energy on negativity. Like enjoying that perfectly brewed cuppa. Cheers to that!
