Alright, my lovelies, grab your favourite cuppa, settle in, and let’s have a little chat about something we all do far too often: people-pleasing. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Bending over backwards, putting our own needs on the back burner, just to keep everyone else happy. But let’s get one thing straight: losing yourself in the pursuit of pleasing everyone is a sure-fire way to end up feeling like a soggy biscuit at the bottom of a cuppa—utterly useless and a bit of a mess.
Don’t get me wrong, wanting to help others and make them happy is a beautiful trait. But when it starts costing you your peace of mind, self-worth, and authenticity, it’s time to put the brakes on. So, let’s dive into some tips, tricks, and sassy wisdom to keep that lovely sparkle in your eyes while staying true to yourself. After all, we’re here for the self-love, self-care, and a cheeky bit of gratitude, aren’t we?
1. Stop Playing the People-Pleasing Marathons
You know that mental gymnastics routine you do when trying to decide how to keep everyone happy? It’s exhausting. And trust me, it’s time to step off that balance beam and stop trying to land a perfect score for each person in your life. The thing is, people will have opinions about you no matter what you do. You could save a kitten from a tree while simultaneously curing world hunger, and someone would still say you should’ve done it differently.
And when I say “trust me,” I mean it. I was that person. I was the one bending over backwards to keep everyone happy, thinking I could somehow manage to meet everyone’s expectations. There are a lot of cultures where the expectations are huge; Inidan, Italian I know for sure and I'm sure the list is endless. But let me tell you, it is simply IMPOSSIBLE! There comes a point where 
you realise no matter what you do, someone will always find something to moan about. I stopped because I learned the hard way that trying to please everyone usually ends with no one being happy—especially not you.
Take my friend, let’s call her Jo. She married into a family where all she wanted was to be accepted and loved, to be a part of something beautiful. She did everything that was expected of her as an ethnic daughter-in-law, thinking if she worked hard enough, if she just tried a little bit more, her mother-in-law would eventually come around and treat her like a daughter. But no matter how much effort she put in, her mother-in-law was never satisfied. There was always some fault to be found, some criticism to throw her way. Jo would lie in bed at night, tears silently streaming down her face, wondering why she wasn’t good enough. Her own mum had never treated her like this, and yet here she was, desperately seeking approval she never got.
And the impact didn’t stop there. By trying so hard to meet the expectations of her in-laws, Jo ended up neglecting the person she was actually married to. Her husband felt like an afterthought, competing for her time and energy when she wasn’t looking after their young children or running around trying to meet everyone’s demands. It was a constant juggling act, and let’s be honest, it wasn’t sustainable. It all came crashing down, and they ended up divorced. She found herself a single parent, but here’s the twist: Jo was happier. She was free to live life on her own terms, without the weight of unmet expectations hanging over her. All she had to worry about was her kids and herself, and for the first time in years, she could finally breathe.
Sometimes, the things you fear losing the most are the very things holding you back. Jo found her happiness when she stopped trying to meet everyone else’s expectations and started living authentically, for herself and her children. That’s the kind of freedom you can’t put a price on.
Think back to that time you agreed to go to that work do you had zero interest in, just because you didn’t want to disappoint a colleague. You spent the entire evening faking a smile, nodding along to conversations you couldn’t care less about, and by the end of it, you felt drained. It wasn’t worth the extra hour of “networking,” was it? Imagine if you’d just stayed home and rewatched The Great British Bake Off instead—bliss.
2. You Are Not a Chameleon
Remember, you’re not a chameleon meant to change colours for every situation or person you encounter. You are gloriously and unapologetically you. And if someone doesn’t like your colour, well, that’s their problem, not yours. Trying to blend in everywhere will only make you lose sight of who you really are, and soon enough, you won’t recognise yourself in the mirror.
Like that time your friend group decided that veganism was “the thing,” and suddenly you found yourself choking down some questionable tofu dish at a restaurant you didn’t even want to go to. You didn’t fancy it, you weren’t even sure what it was, but you went along to fit in. Next time, don’t be afraid to stick to your own menu preferences. Your love for a good Chicken Curry and Rice doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you, well, you.
Instead of adapting to fit everyone else’s desires, let your true colours shine bright. Not everyone will like your shade, and that’s perfectly fine. The people who do will appreciate your boldness, and the ones who don’t? Well, they’re probably just jealous they can’t pull off your fabulousness.
3. Set Boundaries and Set Them Loudly
Boundaries, darling, are not barriers; they’re your personal declaration of what you will and will not tolerate. Think of boundaries like the velvet rope outside a posh night club. Not everyone gets in, and you certainly don’t want just anyone trampling all over your dance floor.
Remember when your cousin asked you to babysit again last minute, even though you’d already had a stressful week? You said yes because you didn’t want to seem selfish, but you ended up frazzled, juggling a toddler and trying to finish your own tasks. Next time, let’s switch things up. Politely say, “I’m afraid I’ve got too much on my plate this week.” It’s amazing how quickly people learn to respect your time when you make it clear you’re not a 24/7 on-call service.
4. Practice the Art of Saying “No”
Let’s be honest, we all struggle with this one. “No” feels like such a harsh word, doesn’t it? But here’s the reality: saying “yes” to everything isn’t the path to sainthood; it’s the road to burnout. When you keep saying “yes” to others, you’re often saying “no” to yourself.
Remember that time when your neighbour asked you to water their plants while they were away, even though you’d just signed up for extra shifts at work. You felt obligated, so you did it anyway. Halfway through the week, you found yourself sweating over some wilting petunias in the middle of a heatwave, wondering why you hadn’t just said, “No, I can’t, I’ve got a lot on.” Spoiler alert: the plants would’ve survived with someone else’s help.
Start practising the art of the polite refusal. “No, I can’t do that.” “No, that doesn’t work for me.” Or my personal favourite, “I’m afraid that’s a no from me, I’ve just got too much on my plate right now!” Each time you say “no,” you’re prioritising your needs and preserving your energy. It’s an act of self-love, and honestly, it’s so liberating. It feels like taking off a too-tight pair of jeans after a long day—pure bliss.
5. Surround Yourself with Heaters, Not Drains
It’s time to do a little friendship audit. Who in your life lifts you up, radiates warmth, and brings joy? And who are the energy vampires, sucking the life out of you with their constant negativity and demands? You know the ones I’m talking about—the people who are never happy, no matter how much you give.
Remember that one friend who never has anything nice to say, constantly moans about their life, and somehow, you always end up feeling like their unpaid therapist? It’s not your job to fix everyone’s problems. Spend more time with those friends who brighten your day just by being there—the ones who don’t care if you show up in your PJs for a coffee because they’re just happy to see you.
Surround yourself with heaters, the people who warm your soul and make you feel valued. Ditch the drains who leave you feeling depleted. It’s not about being harsh or unkind; it’s about recognising that you deserve relationships that enrich your life, not ones that exhaust you.
6. Self-Care Is Non-Negotiable
We’ve all heard it: “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” - I have a blog all about this - Yet, how many of us keep pouring away, thinking we’re some kind of never-ending source of energy? Newsflash, darling: you need to recharge, too. Self-care is not a luxury; it’s a necessity. And I’m not just talking about bubble baths and face masks (though I’m certainly not against them).
Remember the time you decided to skip your usual weekend ritual of a long walk in the park because your friend needed help moving, only to find yourself snapping at everyone by Monday morning? It’s a classic case of burnout. Next time, protect your downtime. Tell your friend you’ll help for an hour, but then you’re off to take that much-needed stroll.
Self-care can be setting aside time to read a good book, going for a walk in the park, or simply doing absolutely nothing because you feel like it. It’s doing what fills you up, makes you feel alive, and reminds you that you’re worthy of your own time and effort.
7. Gratitude, My Friend, Gratitude
Now, I know we’re all about wisdom here, but let’s get a bit sentimental for a moment. Gratitude isn’t just some woo-woo idea; it’s a powerful tool for shifting your mindset. When you focus on what you’re thankful for, you start to see more of the good in your life.
Do you remember when you were stuck in traffic, feeling the rage bubble up, and then you noticed the most gorgeous sunset unfolding before your eyes? That’s a little reminder from the universe to pause and appreciate what’s around you. It might sound cheesy, but a daily gratitude practice can make even the dreariest day feel a bit brighter. So, jot down those three things you’re grateful for, even if one of them is just the fact that the traffic finally started moving.
The more you practise gratitude, the more you’ll notice just how much there is to be thankful for—even when life’s a bit chaotic.
8. Reclaim Your Time Like the Queen You Are
Your time is precious, and there’s nothing wrong with being a bit protective of it. Don’t feel guilty for taking time for yourself. It’s your life, and if you want to spend an afternoon binge-watching a series you’ve already seen twice, then do it.
Think back to when you spent your entire Saturday running errands for other people, and by the end of the day, you were too knackered to enjoy your own plans. Reclaim your time, even if it means saying no to someone else’s request. Just like when you decided to spend your Sunday in bed with a book instead of attending your third cousin’s child’s birthday party. Sometimes, self-care means opting out (I’ve done this plenty of times).
Reclaim your time from people-pleasing activities that bring you no joy. Politely decline invitations to events you’d rather skip, and don’t be afraid to carve out some “me time” in your schedule. If anyone has a problem with that, well, remind them that even the Queen has a bit of time off for herself.
9. Embrace Your Flaws and Quirks
Gorgeous, you are a work in progress and a masterpiece all at once. Embrace your flaws and quirks—they’re what make you unique. So, you’re a bit clumsy? Own it. Tend to ramble when you’re nervous? Charming!
Remember when you tripped over your own feet at the office party and spilled your drink everywhere? Did you recover by laughing it off, making a joke, and then sashaying back to the dance floor? That’s the spirit.
The pressure to be perfect is exhausting, and it’s time to toss it out the window. Life’s too short to pretend to be perfect. Celebrate your weirdness, love your imperfections, and remember that the world doesn’t need a polished version of you. True self-love is about accepting yourself as you are, not as you think you should be. It needs the real, beautifully flawed you.
10. Live Authentically and Without Apology
At the end of the day, living authentically is the greatest act of self-love. Be true to who you are, even if it means losing a few people along the way. The ones who genuinely care will stick around, and the ones who don’t? Well, they’ve done you a favour, haven’t they?
Don’t be afraid to lose people, be afraid of losing yourself in the process. Love yourself fiercely, set those boundaries unapologetically, and watch as your life transforms for the better. Because, Sweets, life is far too short to spend it pleasing everyone else while forgetting who you truly are.
So, here’s to you, and here’s to living authentically with a dash of fun, a heap of self-care, and an abundance of gratitude. Cheers!
