I’ve explored the science-backed benefits of adding a splash of self-love and a pinch of gratitude to your mindfulness practice, all served-up with a touch of British wit and wisdom from some of the most renowned thinkers.
Let’s be honest, the idea of loving ourselves is often dismissed quicker than the suggestion of an afternoon tea without biscuits (seriously, what’s the point of tea without a biscuit?). I get it — thoughts arise like, “Won’t self-love make me self-centred?” or “Isn’t it better to focus on caring for others first?” or even, “Will this turn me into a narcissistic ninny?” Meanwhile, some of us have been taught to chase approval from others like it’s the last remaining carrot cake at the Church bake sale.
However, the reality is that seeking acceptance from the outside world leaves us overlooking our most reliable source of validation — ourselves. Add a dollop of gratitude, and you’ve got a recipe for a transformative mindset shift that extends far beyond just you.
Mindfulness practices and scientific research suggest that daily doses of self-love and gratitude aren’t about inflating our egos like a hot-air balloon. Instead, they offer profound benefits that ripple outward, positively affecting not only us but also those around us. As self-compassion pioneer Kristin Neff explains, “We can learn to embrace ourselves, warts and all, and this self-acceptance provides the strength we need to thrive.” Meanwhile, researchers have found that practising gratitude significantly improves emotional resilience, life satisfaction, and even the quality of our forty winks.
So, in true British fashion, put the kettle on, settle into a comfy chair, and explore these six reasons why self-love and gratitude are absolutely spiffing.
One: Loving Yourself Enhances Mental Health and Helps You Develop Better Habits
Some cling to the belief that being kind to oneself is equivalent to “going soft.” They argue that we need a bit of "tough love" to keep motivated—because nothing screams "progress" quite like shouting orders at yourself, right? I’ve been there more times than I’d care to admit.
But the science is clear: It has demonstrated through research that self-criticism is linked with higher levels of anxiety and depression. In contrast, practising self-compassion significantly improves emotional well-being and boosts our motivation to make positive changes. When we are self-critical, we undermine our confidence and resilience. This makes us feel low! When we are kind to ourselves, we motivate ourselves with encouragement rather than FEAR!
Gratitude found that people who regularly practise gratitude report fewer symptoms of depression and feel more optimistic about the future. It’s as if self-love provides the foundation, and gratitude lays the bricks of positive mental health.
Imagine trying to kick a bad habit, like endlessly scrolling through social media (guilty as charged, aren’t we all?). Instead of berating yourself when you slip up, acknowledge that you’re human, forgive yourself, and vow to make a better choice next time. Sprinkle in some gratitude by appreciating the small wins, like managing to read five extra pages of a book or stepping outside for a walk. Over time, these little moments of gratitude help build better habits without making you feel like you’re trudging uphill in the rain (without a brolly, no less).
Two: Self-Love and Gratitude are Keys to Healing Trauma
There was a time when trauma was thought to be limited to major life events like wars or natural disasters. Today, experts like Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, highlight that trauma can also stem from subtle, everyday experiences. "Trauma is not just an event that took place sometime in the past; it is also the imprint left by that experience on the mind, brain, and body," he writes.
The past few years have certainly left their mark. Let’s not forget we’re all feeling the repercussions of the COVID era when social distancing kept us away from family, friends, and the usual comforts. For many, isolation was more than just staying indoors; it was a profound sense of disconnection. My son, for instance, started university in September 2019, only to face lockdown during his second semester. With no family home to return to (we’d sold it, and I was in the throes of separation), he was left stranded at uni while his mates went home. The guilt of not being able to offer him a safe space still haunts me – and believe me, I’ve shed my fair share of tears over it and still do. It’s that guilty mum feeling.
Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned expert on trauma and addiction, emphasises that self-compassion is essential for healing. "Self-love is the antidote to shame," he says. "The more we can treat ourselves with kindness and understanding, the more we can integrate our experiences without being overwhelmed by them." Practising gratitude, meanwhile, rewires the brain to focus on life’s positives, providing a buffer against lingering trauma, as research by Dr. Martin Seligman shows.
Suppose you’ve had a traumatic experience at work. Self-love reassures you that your reactions are valid, while gratitude allows you to find small moments of goodness amid the chaos, like a supportive colleague offering to help or the soothing taste of your favourite brew. These acts of self-love and gratitude can help soften the blow trauma has dealt.
Three: Self-Love Cultivates Resilient Leadership
Sir Winston Churchill once said, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts." While he wasn’t explicitly talking about self-love, the sentiment certainly applies. Whether you're leading a business, a classroom, or just muddling through life, a dash of self-love can make all the difference in avoiding burnout.
Arianna Huffington, founder of The Huffington Post, learned this lesson after a well-documented burnout and now advocates for incorporating self-care into leadership. "When we prioritise our well-being, we become more effective, productive, and resilient leaders," she notes. Gratitude plays a vital role here too, creating a culture where appreciation inspires positivity.
Managing a team facing a tight deadline? Instead of driving everyone to the brink, set aside time to acknowledge their efforts and take a moment for self-care. Expressing gratitude for their hard work while recognising your own need to recharge sets a shining example. After all, recharging is good — you’ll want to read my blog on that very topic!
Four: Practising Self-Compassion and Gratitude Makes You a More Mindful Communicator
Difficult conversations are a bit like herding cats — chaotic and full of potential for things to go pear-shaped. Self-compassion allows us to stay grounded, and allows us to stay curious rather than defensive during conflicts, which can turn volatile situations into constructive discussions.
Let’s say you’re in a heated argument with your partner about who left the empty milk carton in the fridge (again!!). Instead of snapping, take a moment to check in with yourself, and consider that you’re both probably just knackered. Being grateful for the good times you’ve shared may help you approach the conversation more calmly. This combination of self-compassion and gratitude can transform potential clashes into meaningful dialogues.
Five: Self-Love and Gratitude Remind You That You Are Already Enough
Chasing external validation can feel like aiming for a moving target—one day it’s a promotion, the next it’s approval from peers. When I accept myself just as I am, then I can change as self-love lets us embrace our worthiness as an inherent quality, not a reward for success.
Marianne Williamson’s well-known quote, "Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure," speaks to this as well. Gratitude further amplifies our awareness of being enough. Research shows that those who regularly practise gratitude are more satisfied with their lives, regardless of circumstances.
If you’ve had one of those days where nothing seems to go right, instead of chastising yourself, remind yourself that you’re valuable and deserving of kindness. Give yourself a pat on the back — after all, as L’Oréal Paris keeps reminding us, “You’re worth it!” While you’re at it, find something small to be grateful for — like that last biscuit to dunk and enjoy with your tea.
Six: Nurture Self-Love and Gratitude with Mindful Affirmations
For a little extra boost, explore the 50 affirmations — perfect for adding a pinch of positivity to your day. Whether you need to keep calm and carry on or just want to start the morning with a smile, self-love and gratitude are like a proper chai: warming you from the inside out.
Cheers to embracing self-love and gratitude because you’re absolutely worth it!
