When most people hear the word grief, they immediately associate it with death. The passing of a loved one—whether it's a family member, close friend, or even a cherished pet — it brings waves of sadness, heartache, and mourning. It's natural to connect grief with death, but that’s just one dimension of what grief encompasses. In reality, grief is a multifaceted experience, touching many areas of life that go beyond physical loss.
Consider this: have you ever separated from someone, gone through a divorce, or perhaps experienced the painful end of a long-term relationship? It’s a different kind of grief, but grief all the same. You’re not just mourning the loss of the person; you’re also grieving the loss of shared memories, future plans, mutual friendships, and even a version of yourself that existed within that relationship.
But what happens when it’s not just one person, but an entire group of people connected to that relationship who vanish from your life? Imagine losing 200 people all at once. It feels like your social world just collapsed. It’s as though an airplane crashed, taking with it all the connections and relationships that once formed the fabric of your social and emotional life.
I know, comparing it to a plane crash might seem a bit dramatic, but that’s often how it feels. The sudden and overwhelming sense of isolation can be crushing. But how do you deal with that? How do you manage the layers of grief that come with losing not just one relationship, but an entire community tied to it?
Understanding the Many Faces of Grief
Grief is a complex emotion. It’s not always about death. In fact, grief is any reaction to loss, and it can be triggered by so many different life events. Divorce, separation, breakups, moving away from your hometown, losing a job, or even retiring—all of these situations can cause us to grieve. While society may often acknowledge the pain of death, the grief tied to other forms of loss is frequently overlooked, leaving people to struggle in silence.
When you go through a breakup, particularly one that’s deeply entwined with your life—whether it’s a long-term relationship, a marriage, or even a close-knit friendship—you are left with a profound sense of loss. You may find yourself mourning not only the person you were with but also the life you had together, the mutual friends you shared, and the future you once envisioned.
For me, this loss hit particularly hard. I was married for 20 years, and now separated for 5. Plus all my family and close network of friends are back in London, England. When the relationship ended, I lost not just my spouse, but all of my family and friends at the same time. It was as if a switch had been flipped, and suddenly there was no one left to call for support. No more “phone a friend,” no more “meet for coffee or a drink,” no more chatting via Messenger or WhatsApp. It was a lonely and devastating reality that I had never imagined. I knew leaving was the right thing to do for many reasons but it’s still painful.
The grief went beyond people, though. It also extended to my beloved puppy, Pakora. She was with me from the time she was 8 weeks old, and she was like a child to me. But when the breakup happened, she was taken from me too. It wasn’t even a question. That loss felt like losing my own child, and even now, whenever I dosee her, tears well up and by the time I am on my way, they are running down my face. She was part of my heart and soul, and her absence deepened the already unbearable grief I was experiencing.
Imagine having a group of friends who were all part of that relationship. Suddenly, after the breakup, they’re no longer around. You lose them all at once, and the sense of abandonment is so obvious. You might start to question, Did they ever care about me as an individual, or was it always just about the relationship?
It’s hard to process. It’s not just losing one person—it’s the loss of a social circle, a way of life, and a sense of belonging.
A Crash Landing: The Impact of Sudden Social Loss
For many, the end of a significant relationship feels like a crash. One minute you’re flying high with friends, family, and your partner; the next, you’ve hit the ground, and everything is scattered.
Take the analogy of a plane crash. Imagine being on a flight where all of the passengers are people you know—friends, family, acquaintances, your partner, maybe even some co-workers. Suddenly, the plane goes down, and you’re the only survivor. In an instant, you’ve lost everyone. It’s isolating, terrifying, and emotionally devastating.
While a plane crash is an extreme scenario, the emotional impact of losing multiple relationships at once—whether due to a breakup, separation, or divorce—can feel eerily similar. You’re left to pick up the pieces of a shattered social network, all while trying to process the personal grief of losing a relationship that once meant everything to you.
In my case, on top of the emotional devastation, I was also grappling with another huge life change—menopause. It came early for me, thanks to a hysterectomy, and dealing with it alongside the grief of a lost marriage felt like too much to handle. The usual advice was to turn to hormone therapy, but HT just didn’t agree with me. It was one of the reasons I couldn’t take the pill when I was younger, and now, the hormonal changes felt like they were taking over my life. I was trying to manage early menopause while also parenting hormonal teenage boys. The emotional overload of dealing with that, plus my own loss and grief, was at times unbearable. I can tell you one thing - I was a complete and utter mess!
So, how do you deal with that grief? How do you rebuild after losing not just a partner, but an entire community of people who were part of that relationship, and even a pet that felt like your child?
Navigating the Path of Grief: Strategies for Healing
Acknowledge the Loss
The first step in dealing with any kind of grief is acknowledging the loss. It’s easy to downplay the impact of losing friends or family members who were connected to your relationship. You might tell yourself that they weren’t “real” friends or that you’ll find new ones. But that doesn’t change the fact that their absence leaves a void.
It’s important to allow yourself to feel the pain, sadness, and confusion that comes with these kinds of losses. Grief isn’t just about the death of a person—it’s about the death of connections, routines, and a sense of identity.
Give Yourself Permission to Mourn
Divorce and breakups often come with societal expectations that you should just “move on.” But healing from the loss of a relationship, especially one that was deeply intertwined with your social circle, takes time. It’s okay to mourn the end of that chapter in your life. Allow yourself to cry, to feel angry, and to reflect on what’s changed. Grieving is not a sign of weakness—it’s a vital part of the healing process.
Reconnect with Your Own Identity
When you’re in a long-term relationship, you can sometimes lose touch with who you are as an individual. Your identity becomes wrapped up in your partnership, and when that relationship ends, it can feel like you’ve lost a part of yourself. Rebuilding your identity after a breakup or divorce is a crucial step toward healing.
Explore hobbies or passions that you may have set aside during your relationship. Try new things. Reconnect with old friends who aren’t tied to your former partner. By rediscovering who you are as an individual, you’ll begin to heal the wounds of social loss.
Create a New Support Network
Losing a group of friends or family members who were connected to your relationship can leave you feeling isolated. But remember, there are always opportunities to meet new people and form new connections. Whether it’s joining a club, taking a class, or attending community events, there are countless ways to build a new social circle that supports your growth and healing.
Reach out to friends who weren’t part of your relationship or make an effort to meet new people. Surrounding yourself with positive influences will help you move forward.
Seek Professional Help if Needed
Grieving the loss of multiple relationships can be overwhelming, and sometimes, it’s hard to navigate that grief on your own. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help if you find that you’re struggling to cope. Therapists and counsellors can provide valuable tools for managing grief, rebuilding your sense of self, and moving forward after loss.
Embracing the Journey of Healing
Grief, in all its forms, is a natural response to loss. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or even the loss of a cherished pet, grief demands to be felt. The loss of a social circle, the mourning of mutual friendships, and the emptiness that follows a breakup can feel as devastating as losing one person. It’s important to give yourself the space and time to heal.
While the road to healing may be long and filled with moments of pain, it’s also an opportunity for growth. You’ll discover new aspects of yourself, form new connections, and, over time, learn to embrace a future that is shaped by resilience, self-awareness, and hope.
