I moved from Kitchener/Waterloo to the Niagara region last year for many reasons, the big ones were that my kid asked me to move closer to him so we could hang out, and the other I wanted to put all my energy into my coaching business.

I was also excited to make new friends and create sisterhood gatherings.

Well, 18 months later, I question my decision because I often feel lonely and wish I had friends who can meet up for a coffee, today or tomorrow instead of 2 weeks time or next month. I completely understand why, we have ridiculously busy lives.

I know my life's path is set and definitely moving in the right direction but being a woman, I need someone to natter with, have a glass of wine with, laugh and giggle till my tummy hurts, and just be me. That's what I miss the most, my friends in London, call a friend, and they are available for a drink after work, or at lunch; it's easy to get around with the trains, underground, and buses. Here, not so much!

My youngest son lives with me, but as you know, they are busy with their own lives. After dinner, he is in his room talking to his friends, playing video games and D&D. I love the company of my pup and cat, but sometimes, I really do need human interaction.

I joined the rec rowing club and made some amazing friends. But like any sport; when the season finishes, you go from seeing each other 4 times a week to once or twice a month. I miss those connections.

Considering what I do - coach women into happiness and help their businesses flourish (this is a new venture, I will share with you soon), I am shy and sometimes, stay quiet in a room. I don't know if this has something to do with being bullied at school for not fitting in. I moved from Nairobi to London at the age of 11 and I got teased and bullied for having an African accent. Its probably why I am so quick at picking up accents, without even knowing it! Now I don't bother so much as my British accent gets me really far.

I still wonder whether I should continue to live in Canada or whether I should move back home to the greyness of London. I love both countries for different reasons. Losing the outdoors, the festivals, and not sure if living in a different country than my kids will work for me. I just don't know if I can live a 7 hour flight away!

This is a very difficult decision and only time, and the Universe will decide where I end up.

But let’s get back to the topic of friendship and being lonely when you are older, it's so f'ing hard.

COVID played quite the prank on our mental well-being, and I'll gladly admit I got caught up in its shenanigans too.

In the past year, I've been the coach for a fantastic crew of men and women, all trying to navigate the wild and wacky world of isolation and confinement for a solid 2 years. Let me tell you, it's been quite the rollercoaster ride – like a thrill-seeking adventure for kids, the elderly, and everyone else caught in between!

The Loneliness Epidemic

I'm not alone in this quest for adult companionship. Loneliness is a growing epidemic, with people of all ages experiencing feelings of isolation and disconnection. Despite being more connected through technology than ever before, we find ourselves missing the fundamental human need for face-to-face interaction and genuine friendships. A simple hug makes such a difference!

The Myth of Instant Friendship

One of the biggest misconceptions about adulthood is that friendship should be easy to come by. We often assume that as we grow older, we'll naturally accumulate a diverse circle of friends who share our interests and values. However, the reality is quite different.

Challenges of Making Adult Friends

So, why is it so hard to make adult friends? There are several reasons:

• Busy Lives: As adults, we tend to lead hectic lives. Between work, family, and other commitments, finding time for socializing can be challenging. When we do have free time, we may prioritize rest or self-care over socializing. I know, I do sometimes even if it's bingeing on Netflix or Bollywood!
• Fear of Rejection: The fear of rejection becomes more pronounced as we age. We become cautious about opening-up to new people, fearing that they may not accept us for who we are. This fear often keeps us from putting ourselves out there and making new connections.
• Changing Priorities: Our priorities change as we get older. We may prioritize our careers, families, or personal goals over socializing. This can lead to a lack of time and energy for building new friendships.
• Limited Opportunities: Unlike school or college, where you're constantly surrounded by potential friends, adulthood can be isolating. You may not have as many opportunities to meet new people, especially if you work from home or in a small, close-knit community.
• Past Experiences: Past experiences, such as bullying or rejection, can leave emotional scars that affect our ability to trust and connect with others. These experiences can make it even harder to initiate new friendships.

Navigating Adult Friendship in the Age of Responsibility

Balancing Responsibilities and Social Life

In the realm of adult friendships, responsibilities often weigh us down. Our lives are filled with work deadlines, family commitments, bills to pay, and chores to tackle. In the midst of all this, finding the time and energy to nurture new friendships can seem like an uphill battle.

The pandemic has further complicated matters. Economic uncertainties and health concerns have made many of us rethink our spending habits. The idea of going out for a coffee or a drink with friends suddenly comes with financial considerations, which can be a deterrent for many.

The Cost of Socializing

It's no secret that the cost of socializing has risen significantly. Whether it's dining out, attending events, or even a simple meet-up at a local café, our wallets often take a hit. The pandemic-induced economic downturn has amplified these concerns.

For many, the dilemma is whether to allocate their hard-earned money to social outings or prioritize other financial responsibilities. This financial strain can put a damper on the spontaneity and ease of adult friendships. The "let's grab a coffee today" mentality might turn into "let's schedule a coffee next month."

Finding Middle Ground

So, how do we strike a balance between our responsibilities and our need for social connections? Here are a few strategies:

• Budgeting for Socializing: Consider budgeting a specific amount each month for social activities. This way, you can enjoy outings with friends without feeling guilty about overspending.
• Creative Socializing: Explore creative ways to socialize without breaking the bank. Host potluck dinners, movie nights at home, or outdoor picnics. These alternatives can be just as enjoyable and more cost-effective.
• Prioritizing Quality Over Quantity: Focus on quality time with friends rather than the frequency of meet-ups. Meaningful interactions can be more fulfilling, even if they happen less often.
• Open Communication: Discuss financial concerns with your friends openly. They might be in the same boat and appreciate your honesty. Together, you can explore affordable ways to spend time together. Remember the episode from Friends where “Rachel, Joey & Phoebe feel that the others don’t realise that not everyone earns as much as they do”.
• Embrace Virtual Gatherings: Don't forget the power of technology. Virtual meet-ups, video calls, and online game nights can be a fun and cost-effective way to connect with friends, even if they're miles away.
• Plan Ahead: Planning ahead for social activities can help you budget both your time and money more effectively. Schedule outings or events in advance, so you can prepare accordingly.

So, in the quest for adult friendships, navigating the waters of responsibilities and financial considerations is undoubtedly a challenge. However, with a bit of creativity, open communication, and a willingness to adapt, it's possible to strike a balance.

While the cost of going out may have doubled, the value of genuine friendships remains immeasurable. So, as you journey through the complexities of adult life, remember that nurturing your social connections is an investment in your well-being and happiness.

In the end, it's not about how much you spend; it's about the laughter, support, and camaraderie you share with your friends. So, go ahead, enjoy that coffee or drink with your buddies when you can, and savour the moments that make adult friendships so special.